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After I found out about my spouses affair, my emotions where completely shredded. I couldn't even hold a rational thought in my mind for more than three seconds. I did however realize that marriage is a team effort, and as such, there was a part of me that wanted to shoulder some of the blame for my spouse's cheating.

Don't you dare make the same mistake!

Only accept responsibility for problems IN your marriage

I understand that no marriage is perfect and some marriages have some really big problems. It is important to take ownership over your contributions to the internal problems of the marriage. For me, I was selfish. To say it another way, I was full of myself. I could do anything, I could move mountains and there was nothing anyone could do or say that would tell me otherwise. I never stopped to think that my wife might see things in another light and that my self-centered nature was really hurting her feelings. It took me awhile to realize this, but I will hold that story for another article. The important thing is I accepted this about myself and moved forward with improving. The point is, this was an internal problem, only accept responsibility for your actions inside the marriage. You have absolutely no responsibility for the action your husband/wife took outside of the marriage. Your responsibility comes now, post-affair.

Let's take a look at 3 key responsibilities you have now:

Key Responsibility 1: Your Life
Its your life and no one (not even a cheating spouse) can ever take that away from you. You are responsible for your future happiness, success, triumphs and failures. You are the master of your destiny.

Sure, you wish the affair never happened and gutted you the way that it has.kristin leather hobo But it's what you do now that really matters to learn what you can from this horror and move forward with your life. You can let this affair become your excuse as to why you are so down trodden and sullen or the affair can become your reason why you are so confident, strong and successful. The choice is yours.

Key Responsibility 2: Living in Reality
Just because you made it your reason doesn't mean you will now be able to wave a wand and make everything all better. You are going through a completely emotional time right now and many of the images in your mind are beyond your control. Understand that this is normal for anyone in your position. You will need to work through those emotions and stop the slew of nightmare images. This is a painful process but in the end you will become a stronger, healthier and more confident person.

Key Responsibility 3: Your Spirit/Pray
If you don't own a Bible, go out and get one.Coach Kristin bags I know for a fact that any church would give you one for free if asked. Take time to read it and get in touch with God again. The lessons He teaches us about forgiveness, responsibility, and love are laid out perfectly in his word. He brings comfort to those who seek it and gives strength to those who need it. Call upon Him and He will answer. I cannot stress this one enough, I don't think I could have made it a day without Jesus Christ. He held me up when all I wanted to do was fall down. He pointed me in the right direction when all I wanted was to go in the wrong one. I promise to write another article explaining this in further detail. For now, seek comfort in prayer and reflection in His word.

Luke 11:10